Update: I FOUND the items I wanted to share with my boyfriend! Now he has a pick of several versions of a thing he was about to buy. It's the rare case when hoarded items get into the hands of someone who wants them at just the right time.
Huzzah!
#ScribesAndMakers 5/19. Is cooking a social activity for you? Do you like to do it with other people, or do you prefer to do it alone?
I usually cook alone because I usually am alone. Last night I assisted as my boyfriend was lead cook. That felt nice. At one point he was a bit panicky & I just hung back.
I used to be unable to cook while being watched. I would feel pressure. Now I feel much calmer. I think the trick to cooking with company is calm. There's not just one way to make good food.
As an exciting bonus I found a stash of CDs in storage that I'm currently copying to hard drive :)
3/3
Any time I can face change, the past, wastefulness, family history, and come away feeling okay is a healthy accomplishment. My mother has dementia & my sister doesn't live here & focuses on her own children. The "family stuff" is nearly all my responsibility & it really used to mess with my emotions. My family isn't close, kind, caring. I can say that now, but for years I thought I was the problem! I will have help when it finally comes time to empty the storage unit. Today was a good step.
2/3
Today my bf and I went by the storage unit I share with my Mom. If it were all mine it would weigh on my shoulders more that we've probably paid 10 times over for what's in there now. Maybe not. That all depends on how things are valued I guess. The ostensible reason for taking my bf by there was that I once (& maybe still) have some items he is about to purchase. But... despite uncovering & opening several boxes we had no luck finding the items he seeks. Still it felt healthy being there.
1/3
#movie recommendation
Alamar
A Mayan father teaches his young son the ways of living off the natural bounty of Banco Chinchorro reef in the Caribbean Sea. Incomparable film. Nature documentary. Cultural record. Father & son life lessons. Tender, soothing, inspiring.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alamar_(film)/
#ScribesAndMakers 16 May: Which creative activity would you like to pursue but can't?
Anything collaborative has so far escaped my abilities. Some day?
Birthday update!
Having a chill day with boyfriend.
Pushing through my chronic pain to be more available to others as I am in the final months of my current home. One friend has offered to host a party for me in my own place — like a surprise party, she says, without the drawbacks. I'll leave her at my place & come home to a party! When to be determined.
I hope to move away yet strengthen connections.
💗
https://paper.wf/seasonalrob/#support
#ScribesAndMakers 14. How do you get children to appreciate art?
"By example" is my answer for all "how to get people to ___" questions.
I thought about more to say but I think it's self explanatory.
I'm embarrassed to put dreams into words because it's all so unlikely — but I need inspiration.
My dream life:
• I live somewhere walkable & affordable. I do not own a car. Public transit, biking, Uber, & rentals meet my needs when it's too far to walk.
• I offer small group abstract painting classes, emphasis on spiritual openness, playfulness, fun, peace.
• I write. A lot.
• Videos on my experience making big life changes in my 50s & beautiful sites in Mexico.
• Folks visit me.
My immediate goal: survival. I cannot afford US healthcare & living in the current US doom cycle. I hope to sell my home here & live in Mexico. I have no illusion that life is perfect anywhere. My life in the US isn't worth what I'm paying for it, is one way of putting it. Structural harms are built into daily US life. For fun I pretend online shop in Mexico. USians have no idea how tax inclusive pricing & metric measurements make life easier!
Toot length & my focus limit me.
More later.
4/4
Humanissome is what I call my humanism because I don't want to be tied to prior organizations & to get an original domain: https://humanissome.org
I am mostly leftist but I can't support violent means to peaceful ends. Since I believe it unlikely that we will reach an end, life is means. I believe anger is completely natural & often motivational — also internally destructive.
So I aspire to put forth positive values in personal philosophy & solarpunk fiction & in meditative abstract art.
3/4
If & when I feel better physically I hope to channel thoughts into projects (see link above for more). I aspire to write positive science fiction on how a world like ours saves itself. It's a big dream that may not happen. What I do now is share my life honestly. I stream videos in which I talk about feeling bad & how hard it can be to make a meal. I'm an "Unfluencer" in terms of my reach & refusal to market. Yet I make individual connections & it feels good. Next toot I'll talk humanism.
2/
It's my birthday month. I will share plans & goals & offer a plea for small gifts from any who can afford.
https://paper.wf/seasonalrob/#support
I "give" art & humanist philosophy. In a YouTube video on Ghibli classic Kiki's Delivery Service CJtheX claims most #mutualAid is actually charity. I get their point but I earnestly believe that I am giving to society. I receive approx $55 monthly online (& much more in offline gifts & services). In return I share art & mostly I think.
1/
In an hourlong video I talk about the above,
https://www.twitch.tv/videos/2456830006
Or
https://youtu.be/41RjemBUwQw
My core principles are autonomy, respect, consent. I dream of communities built from the bottom-up & I do not think that they can be molded from the top-down. I know so little. I try to balance progress & contentment.
I wish you a good day.
I wish you & me a good day.
💗
I'm going to reflect on connections I see that others may not. I only know my life. I have been an earnest religious conservative; repressed, angry, & unhappy; desperate for improvement via extensive mental health treatments, talk & medications; a cynic; an idealist; an ardent consumer; a liberal capitalist; a leftist anti-capitalist. I'm most comfortable now identifying as artist & humanist. If I have been all those things then I see connections in all the above. I am uncomfortable excluding.
OMG! Today I found my first ever earned income, a check made out to me for work when I was 3. I assume my mother decided the souvenir was worth more than the $15 as it was not endorsed & we still have it. It's from an opera repertory. I played Trouble, the love child in Puccini's Madama Butterfly. That was the peak of my show business career. In a tiny kimono I sat onstage holding the small American flag that my serviceman father gave me while behind a screen (Spoiler!) my mother kills herself.
Im lying on ice right now. I have to come up with ways besides my prescription to find relief because I will run out of pills in a few days & not eligible for the refill for a week or so. Obviously that means it takes more than I'm prescribed for me to feel relief & nothing else helps so far.
The process of moving tires me out so much but I found a new strategy today. I sat at my laptop & scanned the room, making lists of what to keep & not. I am sharing the "I don't want" list with others.
Today I managed to do more than the previous week. I wonder how tired might be tomorrow. Early morning nature stream morphed into looking through 3 drawers. I found a number of old photos that I took to leave at Mom's. She will get a lot out of seeing them. They'll continue to be new to her over & over. Somehow my desk contains 75 years of material all mixed together. I can't believe I visited with Mom only an hour, it felt so long. On my way home I got groceries then cooked early dinner.
As I prep to move I found old CDs that aren't entirely on my current music drive including many mix CDs. Copying them now. Fun!