Review: Santa Clara ice cream kiosk, Plaza Dorada, #Puebla â˘
I've mentioned that I think a high % of Mexicans are lactose intolerant based on the abundance of lactose free products. & ice cream seems not as popular as popsicles, sorbets, ices. Finding really good ice cream isn't easy. #SantaClara makes good, creamy ice cream. But I hate their corporate culture. I think Coke owns them? Their pricey transactions always include upsell attempts from zombielike workers. Boo! There's never a line.
I had time to do some coloring today. I had to be out of my room while it was cleaned. I did 1/3 of a unit of Spanish language & my brain objected to finishing. So I colored.
Content warning:Misery 2
At this moment I can't imagine me traveling the 2 flights needed to get back so I imagine myself becoming lost here. Haha. Times will change, I guess. I never expect my physical state to improve anymore but something will distract my mind a bit maybe.
The fact that I feel this bad, I realize that I must take my 3rd to last remaining dose of pain medication. Maybe tomorrow. Then maybe I can focus & find a doctor, but I doubt it. I probably will just have a couple less miserable days.
Content warning:Misery
Sometimes lately I don't feel like I'm gonna make it. That's dramatic; what does it mean? For one, I don't know how I can continue existing with the stress that I feel in my back. 2? 3? 4? weeks ago I was going to change my flight butâwriting these 500 characters challenges my abilities. I can't deal with a corporation right now! For the same reason I cannot achieve health care! I've never had the stamina to run the medical obstacle course. So I simply don't believe that help is possible.
The older I get the less I participate.
I don't gamble.
I don't use AI.
I don't have any streaming subscriptions.
I haven't been to Buc-ee's.
I don't use Amazon.
I could go on but you get it. I basically hate much that's widespread & popular. It's not a product of some sense of purity & moral superiority. My prevailing feelings aren't those but rather alienation, bewilderment, & sadness.
I never ever ever want to use iPhone voice control, always keep it turned off, yet its awaiting input screen takes over my phone multiple times per day!
Sun dried tomatoes abound on menus in Mexico. They seem to have escaped the fancy foodie backlash that removed them in most of the US.
Every town has a road named for the town at the other end of that road. This lens is how I view the Gulf of Mexicoâand possibly Lake Ontario. (I don't live anywhere near Lake Ontario so I hardly ever think about it.) Historic place names express a point of view as much or more than ownership. Renaming everything "America" is context-less, removing meaning. And so obviously insecure.
I find Aaron Sorkin's tan disturbing.
Anti toss and turn fitted sheets are cops
Apparently the annoying behavior that Airbnb encourages (described above)âendless follow up messages when no further response is neededâis also how AI works! I have not used it in the last two years. At my last Airbnb I met 2 other USians who told me that every search or interaction with AI includes it "never letting go," always ending with a leading question to keep users on the hook. I can't imagine putting up with any more corporate manipulation in life! Nope.
One of many things that I hate about Airbnb is that the hosts are rated by their response rate & that all communication is supposed to be/required to be in the app. That increases the number of meaningless messages that I have to go into the app to check. I like only communicating when necessary, one of the big reasons that I hate every online commercial transaction & dream of escaping most of them.
Content warning:Unimportant thoughts on Lasso
Ted Lasso is another mostly very good series that also makes questionable choices, and so what? They're telling a story. Stories are unnatural. Contrived.
I consume a lot of stories. I also distrust them. The reason I do abstract art is because I find narratives to be disappointing & untrue. Bogus. Intentional lies. Delusions. Yeah I really struggle with stories.
I work to make peace with stories, accepting that they make limiting choices for the sake of story.
Content warning:Unimportant thoughts on Lanterns (finale)
Not seeing more green, more green lantern trappings, more space, and John in the suit serves this story. He's not even joining the green lantern corps. He says he's an independent contractorâa term I mostly hate for its abuse in the economy, but there's a lot in the Lanterns world building that I don't love. Still I think that the story is pretty good, especially for a streaming adaptation. I think the choices made fit the story they are telling.
3/3
Content warning:Unimportant thoughts on Lanterns (finale)
That was a long time ago. My attitude towards mainstream culture now is distance, ambivalence. I can't imagine caring about it. I similarly feel incapable of investment in sports results or religious beliefs. What I'm saying may sound snotty, self congratulatory, or even delusional. I experience it as part sad alienation, part defiant independence, mostly just the way it is.
When an adaptation doesn't go as planned I don't mind when it serves story. 2/3
Content warning:Unimportant thoughts on Lanterns (finale)
I'm writing just to write, about something other than my pain & difficulties.
I imagine some fans will be disappointed that they never got to see John Stewart/Aaron Pierre's amazing physique in a green lantern uniform. I saw a video saying that this adaptation succeeds by not pleasing fans. (Like Andor? I don't love this show like Andor, but I like it & it may have some structural similarities.) GL was my comic (for gay reasonsâring & color!) but 1/3
Anyone in #Mexico know why last night & now tonight (currently 1:53) there are fireworks in #Puebla? I have asked two locals & they have no idea. The housekeeper here took it to mean that I'm having trouble sleeping & she wanted to give me ear plugs, says she uses them. I'm just curious why the celebrating!
I do have trouble sleeping but it's chronic pain that keeps me up; once my body finally succumbs to sleep I rarely get awakened by external stimuli. I sleep so soundly it's a safety issue!
Content warning:Self harm ideation
The pain I live with is so all-consuming, so constant, so exhausting, so (duh) painful, and so depressing that I was wishing for the only end to it that I can imagine a few hours ago. For those that may worry, I am not an active self harmer, and my thoughts of erasure are rare. But yeah, the only cessation of pain that I can foresee is death. I don't feel that I have the energy for decades more life.
On the plus side I live for learning. That's the ledger: curiosity > pain.
Something I wanna say that may sound unbelievable considering the majority of my posts:
I am trying so hard to not be sad! / to be happy.
Like I say, it may not seem so, because I feel that all my attention & therefore sharing is consumed by miserable complaints. The complaints are part of my quest for happinessâno, really! And I share about my constant pain as a record. Since a major mental health episode in college I feel sharing is healthy, for me & possibly for others to see. Or not!
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So the last time I took pain medication per https://mastodon.art/@RMiddleton/117314085432823060 was 22 September. It's not at all the "right" way to be on this medication, but my existence & recommended medical practices have little use for each other, it seems. Do people have good relationships with doctors? My last was my pediatrician! And I liked a therapist or 2, until I really really didn't.
Oh! Besides the date the reason for adding this post is to say that my back is in hot spasm 24/7 & that is exhausting.